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People start homeschooling for any number of reasons. Usually though, they KEEP homeschooling because of relationships. The close-knit relationships that homeschooling nurtures are amazing. Often though, we get bogged down and burnt out when attitudes are bad. When that happens it’s time to step back, stop everything, and refocus.
We need to keep in mind that relationships are the MOST important thing in our families. When all else in the world fails, relationships are what we have to fall back on. If a catastrophe occurs, we need to be able to lean on each other and count on each other through the hard times. |
The way to start nurturing good relationships is by creating good habits. Charlotte Mason encouraged habits as being one of the most important parts of education. Bad habits in a home create friction. Bad habits foster bad attitudes. We don’t need that.
Another thing we struggle with sometimes is having a servant’s heart. Jesus said we should be willing to serve one another as He served His disciples. Serving isn’t becoming a doormat, serving is an act of love. Showing love to one another is serving in some way.
God gave us ten commandments in the Bible. Ten. You’d think we could all follow these ten rules easy enough but no, we all fail. We have all lied, stolen (even if it was just “borrowing” without asking), or coveted someone else's stuff at some point.
Jesus knew of our struggle so He simplified it even more. He gave us TWO commandments. It sounds like two rules would be so much easier than ten, but it is actually harder to do.
Another thing we struggle with sometimes is having a servant’s heart. Jesus said we should be willing to serve one another as He served His disciples. Serving isn’t becoming a doormat, serving is an act of love. Showing love to one another is serving in some way.
God gave us ten commandments in the Bible. Ten. You’d think we could all follow these ten rules easy enough but no, we all fail. We have all lied, stolen (even if it was just “borrowing” without asking), or coveted someone else's stuff at some point.
Jesus knew of our struggle so He simplified it even more. He gave us TWO commandments. It sounds like two rules would be so much easier than ten, but it is actually harder to do.
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." Matthew 22:37-40 KJV
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First, He said Love God first, with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind. In the ten commandments it was, Don’t worship anyone or anything but Him, don't say His name in vain, don’t make idols, keep His special day holy… Jesus simplified. Love HIM most with all of yourself. This is hard to wrap our brains around and even harder to put into practice consistently. We have so many things to distract us. Once we get there though, this is one of the most rewarding things. A true deep relationship with our LORD where we love HIM with everything we have is so freeing and fulfilling.
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Second, Jesus said for us to love others as ourselves. Most of us struggle more with loving ourselves. If we treated ourselves with the respect of the royalty we are in His Kingdom, things would be much different. With children though, we really start to see selfishness crop up from the time they are tiny. Face it, that baby doesn’t want to wait to be taken care of. If a baby becomes uncomfortable in any possible way, he/she is hollering to let everyone know. Teaching a child patience is mom’s first real challenge. Then teaching that child to love others is our second and probably most lasting challenge.
If we are loving others, it means we are not expecting others to pick up after us. After all, we don’t like having to pick up after other people so why do we expect others to pick up after us. Teaching a child to pick up after themselves is something we work on through out their childhood. Seriously, we are still working on that ourselves! If you think about it, organization is an issue nearly everyone struggles with. We’re always looking up things on blogs and pinterest for ideas on cleaning, purging, and organizing our homes and offices. Why is that? Simply because we don’t tend to pick up after ourselves. If we ALWAYS put things up where they go after we used them, we wouldn’t have a problem would we? Yet… We find ourselves frustrated when our children don’t pick up after themselves. Right?
When homeschooling gets frustrating it is usually because attitudes are off. We can usually trace the root of the problem to a change in schedule or routine. Something has changed around the home or in the extra activities that has thrown the home routine off. Face it, life happens. Step back, stop, breathe and readjust. Any time we do this, we must give the children time to readjust as well. Every single time our routine changes, children have to check their boundaries. Their comfort and stability depends on knowing exactly where their boundaries are. They need to know #1 they are under protection and #2 what they are allowed to do and #3 what is expected of them. Firm, clear boundaries help them feel safe and grow. It’s not like a cage or jail, it’s more like a terrarium or greenhouse. You create a special environment that nurtures their optimal growth and learning potential.
Some children take longer to test the limits than others. You can set some children down and explain or post a new routine with the rules, but most have to make sure there are no holes in the fence. Take the time you need to work through this until the children are comfortable. Work into the routine.
When homeschooling gets frustrating it is usually because attitudes are off. We can usually trace the root of the problem to a change in schedule or routine. Something has changed around the home or in the extra activities that has thrown the home routine off. Face it, life happens. Step back, stop, breathe and readjust. Any time we do this, we must give the children time to readjust as well. Every single time our routine changes, children have to check their boundaries. Their comfort and stability depends on knowing exactly where their boundaries are. They need to know #1 they are under protection and #2 what they are allowed to do and #3 what is expected of them. Firm, clear boundaries help them feel safe and grow. It’s not like a cage or jail, it’s more like a terrarium or greenhouse. You create a special environment that nurtures their optimal growth and learning potential.
Some children take longer to test the limits than others. You can set some children down and explain or post a new routine with the rules, but most have to make sure there are no holes in the fence. Take the time you need to work through this until the children are comfortable. Work into the routine.
Now I know some people struggle with an ever changing routine. If you have a child with special needs, medical issues, or you are having babies, your routine will shift a lot. My husband has always worked crazy hours and often one or more of us will go with him, making for an ever changing day. The KEY here is to find a few things that are nonnegotiable in your day. Find those things that you know must be done every day and about what time of day they need to be done. For us, that was breakfast and bath time. For you that may be medication or breathing treatment times. It may be family devotions and dinner time. Find those few things that you do every single day no matter what. Then decide the chores you want your child to do. Start with things you are trying to make into habits, like brushing teeth and making beds in the morning and cleaning up toys in the evening. As they get older add dishes, laundry, and feeding the dog. Once they have a basic chore routine, then add the basic school subjects. Reading, Writing, and Math. These three MUST be done every week day that we are home.
The hardest part now is staying flexible yet keeping those firm boundaries. Admittedly, this is just a struggle. Sometimes when we go places, we take those with us, but sometimes I will take audio books or a project instead. Nevertheless, we still have breakfast and we still take a bath every single day. That basic routine will not budge. We may eat out for lunch and have a different “school” but our children know we will come home and take a bath and start again the next day. Find that thing in your life that will always be the same for your children to KNOW will happen every day.
I know a lot of families have music lessons or a sports activity they participate in once a week. This is where a weekly routine helps as well. Make up a weekly schedule, keeping it very simple so your children know what to expect. Monday is Music day. Tuesday is cleaning day. Wednesday is shopping day (this would also be the day you would try to make doctors appointments and such). Thursday is arts and crafts day. Friday is laundry day. However this works for you.
The hardest part now is staying flexible yet keeping those firm boundaries. Admittedly, this is just a struggle. Sometimes when we go places, we take those with us, but sometimes I will take audio books or a project instead. Nevertheless, we still have breakfast and we still take a bath every single day. That basic routine will not budge. We may eat out for lunch and have a different “school” but our children know we will come home and take a bath and start again the next day. Find that thing in your life that will always be the same for your children to KNOW will happen every day.
I know a lot of families have music lessons or a sports activity they participate in once a week. This is where a weekly routine helps as well. Make up a weekly schedule, keeping it very simple so your children know what to expect. Monday is Music day. Tuesday is cleaning day. Wednesday is shopping day (this would also be the day you would try to make doctors appointments and such). Thursday is arts and crafts day. Friday is laundry day. However this works for you.
In the process of establishing good habits, make sure to consistently ask each child to do something for someone else in the family. Have one child put up something another child forgot, reminding them that sometimes they forget too. Ask a child to bring something to you or put something up for you. My children take turns warming up my coffee or tea for me. I had one mom-of-many tell me once, “Never do for yourself what your children can do for you.” Living that advise has served our family well. Don’t get me wrong. I do NOT see my children as my servants, on the contrary I am still a borderline maid to all of them. Every single time I ask them to do something for me, I say please and thank you. If I ask something of one of them that I know they don’t like, I will even top it off with a kiss or hug or some special treat.
If, or I should say WHEN a child has a bad attitude, I make them go back and do it again until they can do it with a smile. It’s best if I can disconnect myself from the bad attitude and see it instead as a training exercise. Then I can make a “game” out of it. “Oops, you didn’t have a very good attitude. Let’s try that again.” This really seamed corny and uncomfortable to me when I first started, but it works. Yes it really, really does work!
If, or I should say WHEN a child has a bad attitude, I make them go back and do it again until they can do it with a smile. It’s best if I can disconnect myself from the bad attitude and see it instead as a training exercise. Then I can make a “game” out of it. “Oops, you didn’t have a very good attitude. Let’s try that again.” This really seamed corny and uncomfortable to me when I first started, but it works. Yes it really, really does work!
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Contentment and Goal Setting
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